The Relationship Ladder

All my life I have had people come and go in my life, as do most people.  And as I have gotten older I have started subconsciously rating people... from least important to most important.  The thing is when your life goes into crisis mode you really start to see where people land on the ladder of importance.

Family is always near the top, at least for me they are.  My mom is one of my closet friends, she knows almost everything about me and is the most supportive mother anyone could hope for.  My dad and I... well we have a typical father/daughter relationship where we don't always see eye to eye.  But that aside I know that my dad would jump through fire to save me, no questions... ok few questions asked.  My sister and I are 10 years apart, and while we may have started our relationship with me coloring pictures for her to hang in her dorm room, we have become great friends, the type of relationship where you can ask for favors and not need to worry about when they are going to ask for it back.  I am pretty close to my brothers.  My oldest brother plays the role well, being the guy I go to for advice when I'm too nervous to go to my dad... he would also do anything for me... and vice versa.  My other brother and I have learned to appreciate each other, which is coming a long way for the constant bickering and fighting when we lived under one roof.  It's hard to get really close, since we live 6 hours away... but I think it would be cool to hang out with him now.  So, while my family is at the top of the ladder, I am closer to some then others.

Friends can cover a WIDE range of rungs on the ladder.  I have friends that I have known since I was in diapers, ones from high school, college, and career.  The thing with "crisis" mode is that you can REALLY tell where friends fall.  Friends from young childhood for me hold a special place.  Months can go by without us talking, but when we finally connect over the phone or during a visit it's as time was stopped and we can really be ourselves.  I can't say the same for some high school friends. 

While I have no problem reconnecting over facebook I am reluctant to go to my 10 year reunion.  See, I was never really myself in high school... I was quiet and reserved and just waiting to get out of there.  My senior year I was the most "me" and those who met me then I get along with better than those who I knew before.  Many people from my small town are the type to get married and have kids in the 20's.  I'm not saying anything is wrong with this, if that's what you want then go with it... but it isn't what I want and I make no apologies for it.  I based my friendships from high school on where they are now.  Some I considered close when I was 15 I simply exchange Christmas cards with now.  Most of the reason is my move to the big city... if you didn't get why I wanted to leave you don't get me... end of story.

College friends I am still close with.  I was finally being myself and finally decided one thing that changed my life: "If you don't like me... then you don't have to be around me... and I'm ok with that."  I may have only made about a dozen friends in college... which is odd since I graduated with I don't know... 150,000.  But the ones I made are the real deal.  It may have been lonley in some of my classes, but I read a lot of books and was quite happy.  I had people to hang out with on my 21st birthday, people to go to OSU Football games with, people to just spend time with.  Most of those friends I still see pretty regular, and all of them like me for me.

Work colleges... ok no one wants to talk about work.  Needless to say at the end of the day I will probably only keep in touch with 2 or 3 people total, they were great at work... but you can only get so close in a work environment... these people are at the bottom of the ladder.

After college I took some time to get to really know me... the best assignment I ever had was to go on a date (dinner and a movie) alone... just me... no one to talk to... no one to distract you... just you.  It sounds weird but for me it was empowering.  I had spent so much of my life with people, with friends, with everyone that I really didn't know who *I* was.  Once I figured it out I was able to really let people in my life.  The people who still liked me stayed, and I even added some new people.  My boyfriend, Shaun, and a lot of his friends... all of which are amazing people who want to spend time with me... for me.