My Wishlist

Last night was an amazing concert.  Pearl Jam took the stage in Noblesville, IN, and I was thinking about everything that has become of my life.  In the past few years, especially the last few months, there are times when I feel my life is spinning out of control.  I know it could be worse, it could always be worse... but sometimes I just wish I could take a moment to... enjoy the moment.  I've been focusing a lot on that lately and last night was a great moment to enjoy.

One of my favorite Pearl Jam songs is "Wishlist," and when it was playing I was thinking about how wishlists change as you get older.  When you are a kid you don't worry about anything except getting the cool new toy.  As you get older you start wishing that you will get a good grade in school, pass that test, make the sports team, become prom queen.... stuff like that.  In college you wish for a great job, lots of money, a doctor for a husband, etc  After college you enter the real world... and your wish list is completely changed.  Now you wish you have a job that you enjoy, even if it doesn't mean you are a millionaire at 30, you wish you have a place to call home, even if it means that you give up that mansion with a butler... and you wish you have a man who loves you for you.

During the song (lyrics below), I thought to myself... I am happy.  I may not have a job... but I have the hope that I will soon be doing something I love and will feel appreciated.  I have a home... yes I'm trying to sell it... but it's home with Shaun and my cats and bunny.  And I am lucky to have a man who loves me for me... and that makes my wishlist... almost complete.

"Wishlist" by Pearl Jam:
I wish I was a neutron bomb, for once I could go off
I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on
I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on
The Christmas tree, I wish I was the star that went on top
I wish I was the evidence, I wish I was the grounds
For 50 million hands upraised and open toward the sky

I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me
I wish I was as fortunate, as fortunate as me
I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good
I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood

I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on
I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down

I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up
I wish...
I wish...

Music for the Soul

Tonight was Pearl Jam concert #1 of 3 this weekend.... and #6 overall for me.  That's nothing compared to Shaun who was seeing them for the 44th time, but I'm making progress.  See, I wasn't a Pearl Jam fan a few years ago... not that I didn't like them... just didn't follow them.  My memories of Pearl Jam go back to the early 90's.  My brother was a fan and you could hear "Alive," "Jeremy" and "Even Flow" coming up the stairs from the basement where he played video games and forcing me to not go down there.  That was all Pearl Jam meant to me until Shaun came into my life.

While I don't have a connection to them like he does, I have a connection to Shaun... and the things he loves.  My first concert was 2 years ago, and since then I've gone whenever they are close enough to drive.  This summer we are hitting 3 shows as kind of a "last hurrah" before moving to Seattle.  Tonight one song hit me particularly hard and I thought I would share the lyrics:

Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh,..
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh,..
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..

Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, aw huh,..

Stay with me,..
Let’s just breathe.

Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win, aw huh,..
Under everything, just another human being, aw huh,..
Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
To make me bleed.

Stay with me,..
You’re all I see.

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean.

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face, aw huh,..
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, aw huh,..
Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one know this more than me.
As I come clean.

Nothing you would take,..
everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,..
Meet you on the other side.

The song is called "Just Breathe" and it's off their newest album, Backspacer.  I guess it's hit me lately because I feel the need sometimes to just sit back and breathe, and it's so much easier when you have someone you love with you.  I guess it's just a great song to remember to tell those people you love that you do in fact love them... and to my friends and family... I do... in fact... love you all.

Vacation Withdrawl

Vacations, a luxury to many... but to me I get through my worst days by planning my next trip.  My last vacation was less than a year ago, my boyfriend, Shaun, and I went to Seattle... our future home.  It was great, we saw all the sights, ate great food, went over our budget... you know, had an amazing vacation!  But... it wouldn't last.  Just one month later I was filing for unemployment, hoping that I would be able to pay my mortgage and keep internet.  The thing is, now I have no vacation to plan, no stress-free weeks to look forward to... just more of the same.  And yes, I am planning my move, planning the road trip, but it's incredibly hard to plan when you don't know when, IF EVER, you will be moving.  And that is depressing.

I am looking forward to a trio of Pearl Jam concerts.  Shaun loves them, most of the time I think more than he loves me, but seeing his loyalty to a band makes me certain he will be loyal to me.  We are seeing a show in town, driving to Cleveland to see a show there, then driving to Indy to see one there too... but with no job it means instead of staying in a nice clean hotel we will be spending more time driving... and sleeping... in the car.  It will be worth it, and this is my first Pearl Jam road trip.  Shaun used to do the tour a lot before he met me, and in the Pacific Northwest it's a lot harder to follow a band around since the cities are so much further apart.  I am looking forward to the shows, but planning this as our yearly vaca makes me really miss the beach.

I guess I shouldn't complain.  There are so many families and couples out there who are lucky to have a vacation at all and I get bummed going an entire year without one.  As a way to end this I will focus on the things I love that are right here in Columbus: game night with friends, a dinner with my family, free arts and culture festivals, and grilling out.  However, if anyone wants to pay for a weekend in Hocking Hills for us I'll plan the entire trip!  :)