Starting From Scratch

6 years ago I graduated from Ohio State with big dreams of being a big time producer. I got a job (after a few months) in television working as a producer... 5 years later I had gained a lot of weight. It doesn't help that you sit for 10 hours a day... and that I ate a lot of fast food, never exercised, and worked overnights. Needless to say, it wasn't the best thing for staying in shape. But... sadly it didn't really matter. See, since you are not a face for the station, you can be fat, wear jeans and sweatshirts to work... and I got lazy when it came to my work. But that is all in the past.

After I was laid off I took some real stock in what was going on in my work life. And I decided I really didn't want to be working crazy overnight hours for little pay 10 years from now (and yes, people in tv who are not anchors DO NOT make a lot of money). So, I decided to start a new career on the other side of tv... in public relations. I THOUGHT it would be an easy transition... after all I was the person who public relations companies tried to schmooze so we would cover their stories... but alas, nothing.

I finally broke down and contacted a friend/contact of mine who owns her own small PR firm... and she offered me a position as an intern. It's unpaid, but the experience is worth millions! Heck, my future career pretty much depends on this 3 -4 month stint as a PR intern.

But here's the thing... in PR... looks matter. I will be representing the companies that hire us to promote their event. And so it has become even more important to kick this goal of being fit into gear! Also... I need to actually do my hair and makeup in the morning! I'm excited... this is something I need to do both for my career and also as a goal for weight loss. So... wish me luck in my new endeavor!!!

Realizations

When I started this whole weight loss journey, I told myself I would be completely honest with myself... something I haven't done in a REALLY long time (at least not about my weight).  I was never really honest with just how out of shape I had become.  So here are some things I used to do... can no longer do... but want to be able to (at least physically) do again:

Tennis: I played tennis for 4 years in high school... I was never great, but I could get through a whole match... and my senior year when I was named captain of the team, there were times when I would play a varsity match, then turn around and play a JV match to make sure everyone got to play.  I think today I would be lucky to survive one GAME (a match can be up to 30 games easy).

Marching: Ok, I don't really want to get back on the football field and march... but I was good in marching band... I was energetic and could do all the parades and games with no problem.  Aside from not remembering how to play the fight song anymore... I also can't imagine marching a 5 mile parade route either!

Crunches: Before my junior prom... wow I had the most amazing dress.  It was an empire waist, but fitted until the waist, and had an open back.  At the time I wanted so much to look good in it, and to make sure I did I used to do crunches every afternoon after school... by the time prom came around I was doing 600 a day easy.  And it's funny because at the time I didn't think that I looked as amazing in that dress as I wanted to... but man, would I give ANYTHING to be able to wear that dress again!

Overall 10 years ago, I wasn't happy with myself... I was happy with my accomplishments, but not with me.  Today, I am happy with myself, I have more confidence now then I ever did... but also have a lot more weight too.  So, I'm looking forward to seeing if I really can get back to where I was, and this time... be happy with it... happy with me!

Love of Food + Diet = ??????

So with being on a diet for the first time in years, I am realizing just how much I ate... seriously tipping 2,000 calories a day was not unusual. And the thing is, I love food... really really really love food.

It's not just eating it, not just fatty foods, etc.... but everything about it. I love to cook, I love trying new recipes and even more... I love baking. Whenever I'm stressed, or depressed, or nervous I can bake. There's something about measuring and timing a pan of brownies, icing a cake, or making cookies that just relaxes me and puts everything right in the world.

I also enjoy eating... ok, clearly everyone on here loves eating or they wouldn't be needing to find a healthier lifestyle. But it brings so much joy in little bites. You can remember home by making something my mom made... or at a restaurant you can experience a new culture, or new technique you yourself could never do. And there's more to eating then just intaking food. I love going to restaurants with friends, birthday parties with family, picnics... everything.

Now, I realize I don't have to give it all up... but this first week... it's rough and it's hard to imagine going to a BBQ and being able to not eat a little of this and a lot of that adding up to double what I should be eating. But it is possible... right??? It's possible to live a full life, eat stuff you love (yes in smaller portions), and still be a sexy, thin woman?? I sure hope so... and right now, hope is the only thing I do want to over indulge in!

A New Button to Press

This week I realized something... there is more to restarting my life then just a new job and new city (which if you are keeping track, neither has happened!).  While look at some old pictures I realized... WOW I have gained A LOT of weight.  Now, I wasn't going to say anything... I am a firm believer that when you tell people you are on a diet they will tell you "you look great" or "have you lost weight" regardless on if they actually feel that way.... they are just saying that to be nice.  So, I tend not to tell people when I'm trying... and felt I would do the same here.  But... nearing a point I never in a million years thought I would reach... it's time to do something.  Seriously, look at this picture... the one on the left is from 2004, shortly after my college my old roomie got married... this was at her wedding.  The one on the right... last month... yeah... 6 years and about 60 pounds.  That's not right.

So why am I sharing my embarrassing pictures with the world wide web?  Because... I am also using it as a way to keep up motivation.  I need to walk more and eat less... drink more water and spend some time not in front of the computer... and I will need people to not tell me I look great, but to tell me that it's good I'm getting out there, etc.

Now, it wasn't easy putting on this weight, and I know it will be less easy taking it off. 

I have never been "thin"  I have always been over weight, but never to the point that I was... well kinda grossed out by my body.  And the weight went on slowly, and I was NEVER short and excuse.  It was a combination of working long hours, working overnights, stopping at McDonalds once a week for dinner, eating everything off my plate, not exercising... then it got worse when I got in a relationship with an AMAZING guy who loves me no matter what... which is great... except when you stop worrying about not pigging out in front of him.   And I have confidence in myself, a lot more then I did in 2004.  It's weird that while I'm bigger, I feel better about ME, I no longer cry in the dressing room at the mall... but I also can only shop in ONE store.  Not good!!  I long for the days when I could shop anywhere, and have guys look at me... and no in that "should she be eating that" kind of way.

So here is what I am asking from you... to hold me accountable, to support and love me... but to not let me eat 3 slices of pizza and ice cream in front of you!  I'm going to start with little things, but I'm hoping I can ask for a whole new wardrobe for Christmas... or at least smaller jeans.